As bystanders, we’ve watched it happen and done nothing.  Kids being mean to other kids – saying cruel things, putting others down, perhaps even physically abusing their companions.  Do you write it off as the way kids are, or do you do something to stop it?  In the past, common wisdom was to “let kids be kids”.  Let’s change the way we deal with bullying.  Say something – do something – when you see a child being bullied.  The benefits are significant, and may be life-long.

Bullying is defined as the purposeful attempt to control another person through verbal abuse, exclusion or physical violence.  There is a connection between bullying and being exposed to violence; by the time an average child enters kindergarten, he will have witnessed 8,000 murders on television.

In recent years, increasing recognition of bullying-related suicides have drawn attention to the connection between bullying and suicide.  Though many adults still see bullying as “just part of being a kid,” it is a serious problem that leads to many negative effects for victim, including suicide.

A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying, and young teen girls may be at even higher risk than average.  Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the Centers for Disease Control.  And victims of bullying are between two and nine times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University.

So what can you do to help deal with this serious problem?

• Parents should encourage their teens to talk about bullying that takes place.
• It is a good idea for parents to insist on being included in their children’s friends on social networking sites, so they can see if someone has posted mean messages about their children. 
• Parents who see a serious bullying problem should talk to school authorities about it.  If school authorities don’t help with an ongoing bullying problem, local police or attorneys may be an option.

In some cases, it may not be obvious that a teen is thinking about suicide, such as when the suicide seems to be triggered by a particularly bad instance of bullying.  In documented cases where bullying victims killed themselves, bullies had told the teen that he or she should commit suicide or that the world would be better off without them.  Others who hear these types of statements should be quick to stop them and explain to the victim that the bully is wrong.

Nearly 30 percent of students are bullies or their victims, and 160,000 students stay home every day because of fear of bullying.  Bullying occurs on school playgrounds every 7 minutes and once every 25 minutes in class, but stops quickly when peers intervene on behalf of the victim.  Peers are more likely to intervene in playground bullying than adults, but a commitment by adult leaders can reduce bullying significantly.

What can children do to if they see someone being bullied?

• Be a friend to the person being bullied. Children can help someone who’s being bullied simply being nice to them at another time. Being friendly can go a long way toward letting them know they are not alone.
• Tell a trusted adult, like a family member, teacher, or coach. An adult can help stop bullying by intervening while its in progress, preventing it in the first place is simply giving the person being bullied a shoulder to lean on.
• Help the person being bullied get away from the situation. Creating a distraction can offer a way out. Remind children to only intervene id it feels safe to do so and never use violence to help the person get away.  
• Set a good example. If a child knows not to bully others, other students will follow their example. To help even more, children can actively participate in anti-bullying activities and projects.
• Don’t feed the bully – by giving the bullying an audience. If your child witnesses someone bullying another, they shouldn’t encourage the behavior by giving it an audience. Instead of laughing or supporting, they can let those who bully know that their behavior isn’t entertaining.

Bullying is not child’s play. Bullying is a learned behavior and behaviors can be changed.